You probably have read stuff I've written, actually. You just wouldn't know it. They're advertisements, so it's not like the guy that writes the copy for them gets credited. But unless you've avoided all print media and all television for the last five years, you've read or heard my stuff.

[Oh hey, the one thing he's confident about. That's better than staring at the door.]

If there're books under the bed, they're probably even worse. Isn't that where people hide books they're ashamed of?