"It wasn't a bad idea. It's the kind of thing that'd work for a lot of people. It's probably the most logical idea, in fact. It's just..."
How does he explain it without sounding crazy? The fact that he doesn't worry so much about sounding crazy around Ned anymore is a good sign -- Ned has never even hinted at finding him crazy at all, which is a welcome relief, when even most of the people he considers friends still find him unbearably eccentric at times. Regardless, there're some things that he just doesn't quite know how to explain.
He wants to, though. Thinks maybe he should, as long as they're talking about secrets. And Ned knows something about secrets, himself. That makes it both easier and harder. Easier because he knows Ned will understand, harder because... he can't imagine living with the kind of secrets that Ned does. The thought of it is almost incomprehensible.
"I know a lot of secrets. I know a lot of things about a lot of people that I probably shouldn't know and that a lot of people probably think I don't know, because they don't know how observant I am and they don't bother to hide things as well as they probably should around me--" And, well, he knows Ned's secrets, too. Some of them. He doubts he knows all of them. Nobody knows everything.
"--and I have a lot of secrets. And sometimes I think that if I start saying what I know about other people, if I tell someone what I know about Bob, or anyone else around that office, then it'll all just come tumbling out, and I'll say everything I know, and the fact that I have the power to hurt people like that... I'm terrified. All the time."
And that, too, he thinks is something Ned understands. Fear. Of a different sort, maybe, but fear, just the same.
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How does he explain it without sounding crazy? The fact that he doesn't worry so much about sounding crazy around Ned anymore is a good sign -- Ned has never even hinted at finding him crazy at all, which is a welcome relief, when even most of the people he considers friends still find him unbearably eccentric at times. Regardless, there're some things that he just doesn't quite know how to explain.
He wants to, though. Thinks maybe he should, as long as they're talking about secrets. And Ned knows something about secrets, himself. That makes it both easier and harder. Easier because he knows Ned will understand, harder because... he can't imagine living with the kind of secrets that Ned does. The thought of it is almost incomprehensible.
"I know a lot of secrets. I know a lot of things about a lot of people that I probably shouldn't know and that a lot of people probably think I don't know, because they don't know how observant I am and they don't bother to hide things as well as they probably should around me--" And, well, he knows Ned's secrets, too. Some of them. He doubts he knows all of them. Nobody knows everything.
"--and I have a lot of secrets. And sometimes I think that if I start saying what I know about other people, if I tell someone what I know about Bob, or anyone else around that office, then it'll all just come tumbling out, and I'll say everything I know, and the fact that I have the power to hurt people like that... I'm terrified. All the time."
And that, too, he thinks is something Ned understands. Fear. Of a different sort, maybe, but fear, just the same.